The Great Somewhere Else

So, it’s been awhile since I posted. After the non-stop posts of February, I took a hiatus which ended up being a little longer than I planned. Thanks for your patience!

the past week I was riding along on tour with my friend’s band. I got the whole week off work and we had dates in DC, Philadelphia, and New York City. A number of unexpected problems the day before we left almost prevented us from even leaving town, but we were finally on the road Sunday afternoon and made it in time for the first show. Everything was going fine until the van broke down about 20 miles into Maryland. After a couple hours standing in the heat on an exit ramp and a couple more at a mechanic, there wasn’t any other choice but to try to get back to Richmond. They ended up renting a van to make it to the rest of their tour dates, but with all of the instruments there wasn’t room for non-essential people like myself.

Talk about a buzz kill. I had the whole week off work and didn’t really feel like going in, but I didn’t want to waste vacation time either. I ended up taking a day road tripping to visit a friend, and spent a lot of time with another friend who’s moving cross-country really soon, so it wasn’t a total waste.

Review: Miss Representation

I finally got to see Miss Representation last night, courtesy of a local event for National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. Released in late 2011, it’s a film exploring the role of women in our society and what we can do to change the disparities that exist.

It’s easy to hear about such a film and say, “But so much progress has been made!” While this is true, and yes, progress continue to be made, it’s slowed down more than you think. I’m not always one to tout statistics, but some of the figures they’ve researched are quite startling. For example:

• The average teenager consumes roughly 10 hours, 45 minutes of media per day, between television, movies, the internet, and music, the majority of which is TV watching.
• Of that media consumed, women own less than 6% of TV stations and roughly 6% of radio stations. The board members of the biggest media companies (such as Viacom, Time Warner, etc) systematically outnumber women by more than 2-1, so most of the media being produced and approved is from rich men.
• Women make up 51% of our population at present, but are only 17% of Congress (even I was surprised by how low that number is).

Mad yet? You should be.

Eyes Open, Mouth Closed

Way back in 2004, I made a big decision. I got out of class one night and drove from the city back to my parents’ house with the intention of telling them I had an eating disorder. It was rather spontaneous, although it had been in the back of my mind for months. Having had inconsistent luck with friends when seeking support, I wanted to try and avoid those same pitfalls when speaking with my family.

I had found an article on a website that seemed perfect – it was something I wished I could make everyone read before they tried to talk about eating disorders. I printed it out and stuck it in my backpack, where it stayed for weeks, just in case I needed it. When I finally got home, I handed the print-out to my mother and asked her to read it and to not say anything until she had.

Review: The Slender Trap by Lauren Lazar Stern

Given that it’s Eating Disorder Awareness Week, it seems appropriate to be talking about books like The Slender Trap by Art Psychotherapist and eating disorder specialist Lauren Lazar Stern. The Slender Trap is a workbook full of exercises to challenge the reader to think about eating habits and body image in different ways, and could serve as a good companion piece to a treatment program. However, when it comes to resources like this which are more in the “self-help” realm, I caution strongly against trying to rely on a single resource without any guidance from a qualified treatment professional (a sentiment echoed in the book’s introduction).

Lauren Stern offered me a copy to do a write-up with, but first asked me: “Is it OK that it’s geared towards women? It is definitely relevant for men, too, but the writing is directed towards females!” Well, it turns out she was right on both accounts. The topics and ideas in this book are relevant to potentially anyone with an eating disorder, regardless of gender. At the same time, it’s very much a book written and intended for a female audience, which I’ll comment on shortly. I don’t consider my writing to be geared at a particularly male or female audience, so I told her I’d be happy to give my impressions. As far as I’m concerned, anything which promotes and supports recovery is OK with me!

Reasons For Recovery Blog Series – Part 8

I’m collaborating with some other writers in a blog series for the entire month of February. The theme is simple enough: reasons to recover. Special shout-out to Anne-Sophie over at Fighting Anorexia for starting the conversation that turned into this little project and for doing most of the organizing.

Today’s post comes from writer Benjamin David in the UK (another male contributor – awesome!) Ben writes:

Nothing beautiful has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was paramount to individual circumstance. This illness can plague, tarnish and jade the emotional faculty and instils within sufferers a ubiquitous obsession, infatuation and anxiety that can tarnish almost every element of one’s being. I have spent numerous, mundane hours pensively exploring my mind, recognising my tendencies, frailties and strengths and recognising that despite all the perceived “benefits”…. I wanted freedom. I wanted to be able to have the freedom to make an impartial action, to take an impartial, rational stance. I wanted to be able to sit down without that lingering impulse that is symptomatic of an eating disorder. Tranquillity, peace and serenity cannot be induced with a oscillating and unyielding eating disorder… The road of recovery is a journey of self-discovery. We recognise our values, qualities, desires, strengths and weaknesses. We advance within ourselves, we question the pressures that the inane mass media invoke on us, we question those comments from others about our appearance and we ask ourselves why we deserve freedom. The most striking question that we ask is what it means to be happy and what founds the most impassioned, long lasting and healthy form of happiness?

You can read the full post here.

I really like the inquisitive nature of Ben’s post, because everyone’s experience is going to be different. Before you find the right answers, you must first ask the right questions, and I think we will all have a different question & answer even if we all arrive at the same conclusions. This speaks to the deeply personal nature of recovery – although there is certainly a universality in the experience of an eating disorder (just read the whole blog series from this month, we’ve all hit many of the same themes!), the path that each of us take to recovery is as unique as the individual.

Others can push you along, encourage you, and point you in the right direction, but no one can walk it but you – day by day, meal by meal, one foot in front of the other.

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Reasons For Recovery Blog Series – Part 6

I’m collaborating with some other writers in a blog series for the entire month of February. The theme is simple enough: reasons to recover. Special shout-out to Anne-Sophie over at Fighting Anorexia for starting the conversation that turned into this little project and for doing most of the organizing.

The posts just keep coming! Today’s post comes from Arielle Lee Bair, who runs a fantastic blog devoted to body image and eating disorder recovery. She starts off with her recovery mantra (Hey, I have one of those!) which speaks for itself:

Recovery is possible.

It’s not a guarantee. It’s a possibility.

It’s not simple. It is difficult and sometimes seems impossible.

It’s not a one-step process. It’s a multi-step process complete with twists and turns and bending roads…and roads you didn’t even know were there.

It’s not the same for everyone.

It’s not always a happy process. It’s not always a sad process.

It IS empowering.

It’s not about pleasing other people. It is not about them.

It’s about YOU.

It’s not about perfection. It IS about emotion. It IS about honesty. It IS about self-discovery and self-affirmation.

It’s not about what you don’t have. It’s about using what you’ve got.

It’s not about hiding. It’s about finding and displaying.

It’s not a quick-fix. It’s a lifelong plan set into motion by truth and nurturing and self-love.

It’s not about external factors or environment. It IS about what’s within.

It is not crazy. It IS real.

Recovery is possible.

…It’s difficult to promote recovery to those struggling with eating disorders when they are constantly being told that the odds are against them. Why bother trying at all? If you are already deemed to be (and doomed to be) a statistic from the start, what’s the point in paying money for treatment/care/counseling or getting support from friends/family/services? Isn’t it all a waste?

The short answer is: NO. Not only is recovery completely possible, it’s also worth every effort. Whether you’re involved with a whole treatment team, simply seeing one therapist, using an alternative support system, or going it alone – recovery is possible, real, and wonderful.

I know this, because I’m a recovered individual myself. It wasn’t always an easy path. I worked hard, used support, created support I didn’t already have, and kept climbing.

You can read the full post here.

Arielle’s post echos some of my sentiments from last time – that recovery is a meal to meal, day to day process that takes time and energy. Sometimes it feels awful, sometimes it’s difficult, and sometimes that’s discouraging. But, as Arielle wrote: not only is recovery possible, it’s worth every effort.

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Reasons For Recovery Blog Series – Part 4

I’m collaborating with some other writers in a blog series for the entire month of February. The theme is simple enough: reasons to recover. Special shout-out to Anne-Sophie over at Fighting Anorexia for starting the conversation that turned into this little project and for doing most of the organizing.

The next post in this series comes from Tracey Weldon, a UK-based blogger. It looks like we’ve picked up a theme: the deadly seriousness of eating disorders, and the potential for hope and happiness through recovery. Tracey writes:

It took me a really long time to accept that I had a problem – that I had eating disorders.  Partly because that kinda goes with having a voice in your head telling you that the destructive behaviours are what is best.  But mostly because for the bulk of the time I was sick I didnt ‘look’ like I had an eating disorder.  I was an appropriate weight for my height and later – overweight.  And because I didnt look sick I convinced myself I wasn’t.  But some things cannot be hidden and living in torment can only be contained for so long.  What I want you to know, whoever you are, however you eating disorder manifests is that eating disorders dont discriminate, and they often dont lead you to an emaciated frame.

…In the years I suffered from eating disorders before I chose to fight to recover I lost a lot to them.  They cost me my teenage years, my dignity and friendships.  They made a liar of me, a thief of me and landed me in thousands of pounds of debt.  The most devastating thing I lost in my eating disorders – was my self.  And I’m sure that reads very cliché, corny even, but it’s true.  See, you don’t get to have a life and an eating disorder.  Maybe you’re reading this reassuring yourself that this doesn’t apply to you and that you have both.  You really don’t.  Eating disorders mean dying and death – and even if that death isn’t a heart stopping one, it is still devastating.

You can read the full post here.

One of the hardest things when you first start seeking recovery is getting an objective view on where you are and what you need. When I was sick, I certainly didn’t think I was “sick enough” for almost any level of treatment, and that same mindset has been consistent with pretty much every person or friend I’ve known who has struggled, too. But since when is the patient the best person to be making those kinds of judgement calls? Not to mention, the effects of malnutrition on the body and brain are disruptive to emotional management and decision making processes. Therefore, a key step to recovery is not just getting help but appropriate and adequate help.

For some, it becomes a matter of pride. “I should be able to do this on my own!”, we declare. If it were that easy, though, I bet a lot of us would have. As it stands, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental health illness. The moment we start using words like “should” we are creating more barriers to do what is necessary.

No matter what we think we “should” be capable of, when we learn that we need additional help, that should never be a a source of shame. Admitting you have a problem and seeking help takes courage, and so I find it strengthening and empowering to acknowledge our own limitations.

Thanks for reading, and make sure to give Tracey some love on her page!

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Reasons For Recovery Blog Series – Part 3

I’m collaborating with some other writers in a blog series for the entire month of February. The theme is simple enough: reasons to recover. Special shout-out to Anne-Sophie over at Fighting Anorexia for starting the conversation that turned into this little project and for doing most of the organizing.

Today’s post comes from Jessica over at Life After Anorexia. She has some excellent reflections on why recovery is worth doing. Here’s an excerpt:

Transformation is not a future event. It starts now. Today. Don’t say you’ll begin recovery tomorrow or next week or next month or when you’ve lost another XX lbs. Do it now. None of us have any promise of tomorrow. Life is too short, too beautiful, too precious, and too fleeting. Even if your world is so dark you can’t possibly see that right now, I promise you, it is.

Recovery is possible. Recovery is worth it. Recovery is necessary.

I also once said: “But I’ve realized recovery doesn’t mean boring. It doesn’t mean normal or mediocre or bland. Recovery just means healthy. How can I be spectacular and different and unique if I’m dead? Anorexia = another statistic. Anorexia = death. Dead means dead. Dead means it’s over. No more chances. No coming back. But with recovery comes hope. Hope means good things will come. Recovery means energy. Energy means I can do all the things I want to do. Recovery means promise. Promise means a chance to be all the things I want to be. Recovery means life. It means more than life. It means to be alive. Unique. Special. Free.”

You can read the full post “Recovery is Still Worth It” here.

Jessica has written with a seriousness that I try to put into my own writing – the deadly seriousness of eating disorders. They are so often trivialized and dismissed by our culture that this important fact can get lost in all the misinformation. That would be a discouraging message on it’s own, but Jessica is completely right when she follows it up by talking about the hope and life that is found in recovery.

“Recovery is possible. Recovery is worth it. Recovery is necessary.”

Amen to that.

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Reasons For Recovery Blog Series – Part 2 (My Turn!)

Today it’s my turn to talk about reasons for recovery! In case you didn’t know, I’m collaborating with some other writers in a blog series for the entire month of February. The theme is simple enough: reasons to recover. Special shout-out to Anne-Sophie over at Fighting Anorexia for starting the conversation that turned into this little project and for doing most of the organizing.

Beyond the guilt, shame, and self-hatred of any eating disorder is a person who is entirely capable and worthy of giving and receiving love, and fully capable of recovery. The eating disorder tries to convince you otherwise, and will do anything it can to stick around. It poses as your best friend, but in truth, it wants to kill you. In fact, eating disorders result in more deaths than any other mental health condition due to the physical effects they have on the body. Usually when someone enters recovery, there are a myriad of excuses, barriers, and reasons (some real, some exaggerated, some fabricated) which stand in their way. Let’s say someone had to go into a sixty day inpatient treatment program, how do you think that someone would react to such news? Most people do not respond with enthusiasm.

Reasons For Recovery Blog Series – Part 1

In case you didn’t know, the last week of February is Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Of course, I consider every week a week for eating disorder awareness (and advocacy, education, and prevention!) Still, it’s nice to have a week reserved to try and plan events around, and I’m happy to announce that I’m collaborating with some other writers in a blog series for the entire month of February.

The theme is simple enough: reasons to recover. Special shout-out to Anne-Sophie over at Fighting Anorexia for starting the conversation that turned into this little project and for doing most of the organizing.

The first post in the series comes from Abby Cooper, and I really love what she had to say. Her post is about the feelings – good, bad, and in between – that come back as you progress through recovery. Too often, an eating disorder can both be the cause of pain and also the remedy we turn to, until it’s impossible to remember which came first:

Yes, it’s true that the eating disorder behaviors cushion the intensity of the feelings you don’t want. But they also mute the ones you do. It strips you of your vitality and humanity. You can’t pick which ones you can experience fully. So you have to let go and let them all in. This seems scary to someone with an eating disorder. But the way to do it is to ease in: notice, allow, don’t judge. You’ll notice the more obvious feelings first, and the more practice you get, the finer ones will slip through. It becomes a game of sorts-“I don’t know what I’m feeling” turns into “I’m sleepy!” or “I’m hungry!” or “I’m hyper!” or “I’m lonely” or “I need to create something.” You get better at feeling.

And it’s awesome.

You can read her entire post here.

I think she has some really wonderful insight here. ED behaviors sometimes become a reflex response to any unpleasant emotions, but as the body heals and nutrition is restored, emotions and thoughts become easier to manage. Take away those numbing reflex behaviors, though, and suddenly you feel more of your feelings instead of handing them over to ED to cover up. It can be overwhelming at first, but I agree with Abby – it’s totally awesome.

Stay tuned for more posts on the reasons for recovery throughout February, along with a few regular updates!

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