Last year at the end of Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I stumbled on another guy named Matt, a musician from Chicago who also suffered from an eating disorder. He had made a really touching video for ED Awareness Week, and all proceeds from his music sales for the entire week were being donated to the National Eating Disorders Association.
I had a brief correspondence with him over email, mainly to tell him how much I loved the video he had made, and to ask him if he would ever consider coming to DC to do advocacy work with me and the Eating Disorders Coalition. I’m often one of the only guys there, but I know there are others. I’ve met them, we’ve networked online, and we’ve all seen the limited statistics that are available that still unequivocally demonstrate that an eating disorder is a serious, life-threatening illness, regardless of the sex or gender of the person suffering from it. We need more male representation on Capitol Hill to reflect the actual population affected, and I was excited to be in touch with such a passionate and caring guy like him.
Matt had told me he wasn’t sure he could afford traveling all the way to DC, but would like to in the future if possible. As I’ve been prepping for the Fall 2013 day in DC, he was on my short list of people to email and check in with. Instead, this evening I found that his family left the following comment on the post from last year:
Matt Ryd has passed away.
From his parents on his Facebook Page:
Message from Matt’s Parents to all Matt’s wonderful friends and supporters:
It is with very heavy hearts that we must tell you that Matt lost his battle with the anxiety, depression and eating disorder that had consumed him for so long and ended his physical life here on earth on Sunday, August 4th. While Matt fought vigorously for many years, his illnesses had grown more and more debilitating over the past 18 months or so, and though he tried hard not to show it, his daily suffering increased significantly and was ultimately more than he could bear. Our hearts are broken, but we take comfort in the knowledge that he has finally been “Healed” and will suffer no more.
Matt was an amazing young man with many talents, but most importantly he had a sensitive spirit and heart of gold and touched people’s lives all around him. In true Matt Ryd fashion, he left an open message for his friends, fans and others who supported his dream of being a musician that he asked us to share with all of you. His message reads as follows:
“To all the people who have taken time to listen to my music and support my dream, even though it stops here before I become a big shot and get to prove that I won’t lose touch with my frans: Thank you. Thank you for the joy that you brought into my life. Because there have been absolutely no times that I have been happier than when I’ve been onstage, than when I’ve watched comments roll in on YouTube videos, or when I’ve had simple Facebook conversations with people halfway around the world. You are all wonderful and amazing and I thank you so so much for your time and your attention. I’m just happy that I’ve been able to make any impact in your lives. I truly regret that the music has to stop along with me.”
Matt lived to write and play music and was always overwhelmed and humbled by the tremendous support that he received from so many of you. Thank you to all of you for being a part of his life and providing him with such unbridled joy in the midst of all of his struggles. He will be missed greatly by us all, but we think his passion for music will continue on – in the words and lyrics of the other wonderfully talented singer/songwriters that play nightly across the Chicago landscape and beyond – and we know that is what he would want.
There will be a memorial service in a few weeks to celebrate Matt’s life and the music he loved so dearly in a way that he would have wanted. More information will be posted as it is determined. Matt also very humbly requested that any remembrances be made to either ANAD (www.anad.org) or NEDA (www.neda.org) which are two eating disorder support organizations that were important part of Matt’s life for many years.
Thank you again for the part that each of you played in Matt’s life. We will always cherish the happy moments and memories that being a musician provided for Matt over the years.
Steve and Joani Ryd
Right now I can’t even read through the entire message because I’m crying too hard. I want to watch the video again that he made last year, but the moment the music comes on I know I can’t.
On March 5, 2013, he shared the following message on his Facebook page:
As National Eating Disorder Awareness Week has drawn to its close, and having finished an overwhelmingly successful fundraiser (for which I owe you all of the credit), I feel like the time is right to make an announcement.
I’m going back into residential treatment for my own eating disorder for a while. Actually, I’ve been in residential for the past week, but didn’t want to distract from the fundraiser until it was complete.
Some of you are probably thinking: “Wait a second… wasn’t he *just* in residential treatment?” Well… yes and no. Yes, I left residential treatment about 5 months ago when my insurance ran out. 5 months is a relatively short amount of time, but can also be an eternity when you’re left with unresolved issues. In my case, as the eating disorder symptoms stopped being a problem, that led to intense anxiety. That anxiety, in turn, led to a pretty bad bout of depression. And that depression led me to turn back to my eating disorder.
In technical terms, I relapsed. It’s not uncommon. Statistics vary, but it’s generally believed that somewhere around 50% of patients tend to relapse in their first year after spending time at an inpatient/residential facility. Unfortunately, though I tried very hard not to fall under this statistic, as I’ve said before: eating disorders are sneaky little bastards, and they can come creeping in and take over your life before you even know it is happening.
I have no clue how long this stay will be. I do know that, this time, I’m staying here until I’ve worked through the underlying issues that lead me to turn to my disorder. Last time, I essentially cured the symptoms without fixing the disease. Or, to get all metaphorical on you, I tore up the weeds in the garden without managing to dig up the roots, and, as is expected, the weeds grew back.
In the meantime, I’ll obviously be taking a hiatus from music and production while in the recovery process. But I’ll also be taking a sabbatical from social networks (Facebook, Twitter, my blog… and I’ll try really really hard not to Instagram the pictures my parents send me of my cat). I’ll do my best to respond to personal messages on any of those platforms, but I won’t be responding to or making any wall posts, @ replies, or anything like that.
But I’m not dropping off the face of the earth. If you’d like to reach me for any reason, I’ll still be checking and doing my best to respond to emails at email@example.com. If you have my personal cell phone number, I’ll be doing my best to respond to any texts that I get, and if you don’t have my personal cell, you can text my work phone at (773) 980-6793. I do have to emphasize that I will *try* (and will try very very hard) to respond to everything. But, just to put things in perspective, I have *very* little free time, so I apologize in advance if some communication falls through the cracks. I promise, I will read everything, and that emails and texts from the outside world are greatly appreciated, as I’m a little bit sequestered at the moment.
Let me just say thank you to you all for your support and for sticking by me during my struggles. I promise that, when the time is right and when I am healthy, I will be back, and will be better than ever. I’ll be putting out albums left and right, producing like crazy, hanging out with as many of you as possible… and best of all, I’ll be doing it without an eating disorder. If you thought that I was able to do cool stuff before, just wait until you see me when I’m healthy. I plan to be a force to be reckoned with.
I love you all dearly, and will miss you while I’m gone, but I know that this is for the best. And when it’s all done, you’ll have an even better Matt than you’ve ever had before. And hopefully that’s something for us all to look forward to.
Even though we never met, I felt a connection to Matt. I think it was his sincerity and honesty, even while he was struggling. I could just tell that his candidness and hopefulness were going to give others hope, too, and maybe the impetus to seek their own recovery and support.
So if you’re reading this and you’re struggling, or you know someone who is: it’s time to do something about it. Eating disorders are serious, deadly illnesses, and you (and me, and Matt, and everyone) deserve to be healthy and happy.
Here’s the video that Matt made again. Please watch it, and share this with anyone who needs to hear it.
I wish I could have met you. Rest in peace, Matt.