Tag Archives: men

In Loving Memory of Matt Ryd, Musician & Eating Disorder Activist

Last year at the end of Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I stumbled on another guy named Matt, a musician from Chicago who also suffered from an eating disorder. He had made a really touching video for ED Awareness Week, and all proceeds from his music sales for the entire week were being donated to the National Eating Disorders Association.

MattRyd

I had a brief correspondence with him over email, mainly to tell him how much I loved the video he had made, and to ask him if he would ever consider coming to DC to do advocacy work with me and the Eating Disorders Coalition. I’m often one of the only guys there, but I know there are others. I’ve met them, we’ve networked online, and we’ve all seen the limited statistics that are available that still unequivocally demonstrate that an eating disorder is a serious, life-threatening illness, regardless of the sex or gender of the person suffering from it. We need more male representation on Capitol Hill to reflect the actual population affected, and I was excited to be in touch with such a passionate and caring guy like him.

Matt had told me he wasn’t sure he could afford traveling all the way to DC, but would like to in the future if possible. As I’ve been prepping for the Fall 2013 day in DC, he was on my short list of people to email and check in with. Instead, this evening I found that his family left the following comment on the post from last year:

Matt Ryd has passed away.

From his parents on his Facebook Page:

Message from Matt’s Parents to all Matt’s wonderful friends and supporters:

It is with very heavy hearts that we must tell you that Matt lost his battle with the anxiety, depression and eating disorder that had consumed him for so long and ended his physical life here on earth on Sunday, August 4th. While Matt fought vigorously for many years, his illnesses had grown more and more debilitating over the past 18 months or so, and though he tried hard not to show it, his daily suffering increased significantly and was ultimately more than he could bear. Our hearts are broken, but we take comfort in the knowledge that he has finally been “Healed” and will suffer no more.

Matt was an amazing young man with many talents, but most importantly he had a sensitive spirit and heart of gold and touched people’s lives all around him. In true Matt Ryd fashion, he left an open message for his friends, fans and others who supported his dream of being a musician that he asked us to share with all of you. His message reads as follows:

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“To all the people who have taken time to listen to my music and support my dream, even though it stops here before I become a big shot and get to prove that I won’t lose touch with my frans: Thank you. Thank you for the joy that you brought into my life. Because there have been absolutely no times that I have been happier than when I’ve been onstage, than when I’ve watched comments roll in on YouTube videos, or when I’ve had simple Facebook conversations with people halfway around the world. You are all wonderful and amazing and I thank you so so much for your time and your attention. I’m just happy that I’ve been able to make any impact in your lives. I truly regret that the music has to stop along with me.”

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Matt lived to write and play music and was always overwhelmed and humbled by the tremendous support that he received from so many of you. Thank you to all of you for being a part of his life and providing him with such unbridled joy in the midst of all of his struggles. He will be missed greatly by us all, but we think his passion for music will continue on – in the words and lyrics of the other wonderfully talented singer/songwriters that play nightly across the Chicago landscape and beyond – and we know that is what he would want.

There will be a memorial service in a few weeks to celebrate Matt’s life and the music he loved so dearly in a way that he would have wanted. More information will be posted as it is determined. Matt also very humbly requested that any remembrances be made to either ANAD (www.anad.org) or NEDA (www.neda.org) which are two eating disorder support organizations that were important part of Matt’s life for many years.

Thank you again for the part that each of you played in Matt’s life. We will always cherish the happy moments and memories that being a musician provided for Matt over the years.

Steve and Joani Ryd

Right now I can’t even read through the entire message because I’m crying too hard. I want to watch the video again that he made last year, but the moment the music comes on I know I can’t.

On March 5, 2013, he shared the following message on his Facebook page:

Hey everyone,

As National Eating Disorder Awareness Week has drawn to its close, and having finished an overwhelmingly successful fundraiser (for which I owe you all of the credit), I feel like the time is right to make an announcement.

I’m going back into residential treatment for my own eating disorder for a while. Actually, I’ve been in residential for the past week, but didn’t want to distract from the fundraiser until it was complete.

Some of you are probably thinking: “Wait a second… wasn’t he *just* in residential treatment?” Well… yes and no. Yes, I left residential treatment about 5 months ago when my insurance ran out. 5 months is a relatively short amount of time, but can also be an eternity when you’re left with unresolved issues. In my case, as the eating disorder symptoms stopped being a problem, that led to intense anxiety. That anxiety, in turn, led to a pretty bad bout of depression. And that depression led me to turn back to my eating disorder.

In technical terms, I relapsed. It’s not uncommon. Statistics vary, but it’s generally believed that somewhere around 50% of patients tend to relapse in their first year after spending time at an inpatient/residential facility. Unfortunately, though I tried very hard not to fall under this statistic, as I’ve said before: eating disorders are sneaky little bastards, and they can come creeping in and take over your life before you even know it is happening.

I have no clue how long this stay will be. I do know that, this time, I’m staying here until I’ve worked through the underlying issues that lead me to turn to my disorder. Last time, I essentially cured the symptoms without fixing the disease. Or, to get all metaphorical on you, I tore up the weeds in the garden without managing to dig up the roots, and, as is expected, the weeds grew back.

In the meantime, I’ll obviously be taking a hiatus from music and production while in the recovery process. But I’ll also be taking a sabbatical from social networks (Facebook, Twitter, my blog… and I’ll try really really hard not to Instagram the pictures my parents send me of my cat). I’ll do my best to respond to personal messages on any of those platforms, but I won’t be responding to or making any wall posts, @ replies, or anything like that.

But I’m not dropping off the face of the earth. If you’d like to reach me for any reason, I’ll still be checking and doing my best to respond to emails at matt@mattryd.com. If you have my personal cell phone number, I’ll be doing my best to respond to any texts that I get, and if you don’t have my personal cell, you can text my work phone at (773) 980-6793. I do have to emphasize that I will *try* (and will try very very hard) to respond to everything. But, just to put things in perspective, I have *very* little free time, so I apologize in advance if some communication falls through the cracks. I promise, I will read everything, and that emails and texts from the outside world are greatly appreciated, as I’m a little bit sequestered at the moment.

Let me just say thank you to you all for your support and for sticking by me during my struggles. I promise that, when the time is right and when I am healthy, I will be back, and will be better than ever. I’ll be putting out albums left and right, producing like crazy, hanging out with as many of you as possible… and best of all, I’ll be doing it without an eating disorder. If you thought that I was able to do cool stuff before, just wait until you see me when I’m healthy. I plan to be a force to be reckoned with.

I love you all dearly, and will miss you while I’m gone, but I know that this is for the best. And when it’s all done, you’ll have an even better Matt than you’ve ever had before. And hopefully that’s something for us all to look forward to.

Your friend,
Matt

Even though we never met, I felt a connection to Matt. I think it was his sincerity and honesty, even while he was struggling. I could just tell that his candidness and hopefulness were going to give others hope, too, and maybe the impetus to seek their own recovery and support.

So if you’re reading this and you’re struggling, or you know someone who is: it’s time to do something about it. Eating disorders are serious, deadly illnesses, and you (and me, and Matt, and everyone) deserve to be healthy and happy.

Here’s the video that Matt made again. Please watch it, and share this with anyone who needs to hear it.

I wish I could have met you. Rest in peace, Matt.

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Striving For Perfection: Boys & Body Image

I had another great opportunity to take part in a segment on body image and males. This segment was especially interesting to me because it had a broader focus, particularly due to the contributions of Alan Aragon. Alan is a nutrition and fitness expert, getting his start in the gym as a personal trainer. Nowadays he finds himself writing, blogging, and fairly well-known online on the fitness forums he helps moderate. I’m so detached from body-building and gym culture that I forget how many men are wrapped up in that stuff, so I got a lot out of the discussion too.

Here’s the full list of panelists:

Claire Mysko @ClaireMysko
Author, “Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?”
clairemysko.com

Niobe Way @youthresistance
Professor of Applied Psychology, New York University
niobeway.com

Ryan Salonen
Actor
IMDB credits

Alan Aragon
Nutrition guru
alanaragon.com

Simon Metin @smetin92
Medical Student, King’s College, Cambridge
Simon Metin on YouTube

I want to thank everyone at The Stream for covering this topic, asking good questions, and staying away from shock value media like lowest weights or the like. Also, it was great to be on Claire, whom I’ve had a few Twitter exchanges with but never anything like this.

Alright, I’m off to prepare for next week with the Eating Disorders Coalition. Maybe I’ll see you on Capitol Hill?

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April 10, 2013 · 12:13 pm

Public Perception of Eating Disorders – Huffington Post Live

In case you missed it last night, I had a last-minute invitation by the Huffington Post to join a discussion on the public perception of eating disorders! Also featured in the video are Claire Glass, a blogger who recently shared a story about her grandmtother’s life-long eating disorder, and two treatment professionals, Kim Dennis and Laura Discipio.

You can watch below:

Claire’s story is particularly moving and important, since, along with people “like me” who don’t fit the stereotypical perception of who can have an eating disorder, elderly people are often underrepresented or invisible in the conversation. You can read the full write-up about her grandmother here.

Special thanks to Jenny Churchill and everyone at Huffington Post Live for handling this subject so seriously and taking the time to talk about it! Responsible journalism is incredibly important when talking about eating disorders, because it’s already such a sensitive subject that it can be easy to make sensationalist stories which have shock value but lack substance. Both for this segment and another article I was interviewed for last year, they have an excellent track record!

PS – I’m on Google+ now. I don’t quite get it yet, but don’t let that stop you from adding me to your circles or squares.

Like this post? Stay up to date by ‘Liking’ my blog on Facebook, following me on Twitter or Tumblr, subscribe via email, or just leave me a comment to let me know what you think!

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Fit, or Fitting In?

Well, this is an interesting follow-up to the ‘fitspo’ discussion last week. Sarah Robles, the top weight-lifter in America, is bound for the Olympics and can barely pay rent.

…And even though she’s the U.S.’s best chance at an Olympic medal, she’ll never get the fame or fortune that come so easily to her fellow athletes — in part because, at 5 feet, 10.5 inches and 275 pounds, she doesn’t fit the ideal of thin, toned athletic beauty.

“You can get that sponsorship if you’re a super-built guy or a girl who looks good in a bikini. But not if you’re a girl who’s built like a guy,” she says. The 23-year-old from California became the highest ranked weightlifter in the country last year after placing 11th at the world championships, beating out every male and female American on the roster. On her best day, she can lift more than 568 pounds — that’s roughly five IKEA couches, 65 gallons of milk, or one large adult male lion.
(full article)

The thing is, if you passed Sarah on the street, a lot of people might make assumptions about her health based on her height and weight, and I doubt anyone would assume she was an Olympic athlete. She’s a prime example as to why I can’t stand that ‘fitspo’ crap – it promotes very narrow ideas of health, fitness, and attractiveness. If ‘fitspo’ is about motivation to work out, why isn’t there any with Sarah Robles? After all, she’s pretty damn fit!

Eat healthy and work hard, and you might be on your way to the Olympics, just like Sarah Robles!

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The Sun’s Always Rising in the Sky Somewhere

Currently Listening: Against Me!: The Disco Before the Breakdown

I recently talked about how punk rock and sobriety had a big effect on my life, and the appeal that punk had because of its foundational ideals of acceptance of all people. Black, white, gay, straight, fat, skinny – there wasn’t any room for to judge people over such superficial things.

That doesn’t mean people didn’t bring their own prejudices and insecurities into radical or punk communities. It’s easy to say, “We stand for this,” but being ‘not prejudiced’ against a given group or type of person isn’t as simple as saying you aren’t racist/homophobic/transphobic/sexist and then denying all responsibility when you end up doing or saying something which actually happens to be prejudiced.

That’s because not acting or thinking in prejudicial ways is a process that evolves as we erode our own ignorance. You can be well-intentioned in your ideas and words, but that doesn’t always mean you don’t do or say anything that isn’t offensive to someone – particularly something you have zero exposure to or experience with.

This week sees one well-known punk musician coming out in a very public way over a matter which will put a lot of these issues to the test. Tom Gabel of the band Against Me! (yeah, they spell it with an exclamation mark) has a six page interview in this week’s Rolling Stone coming out as transgendered. She (Tom) will be changing her name to Laura Jane Grace and doing hormone therapy. She and her wife will remain together. It’s all over the internet already, so I won’t bother repeating all the same details that are available everywhere else.

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In Remembrance: Reanna’s Story

In my last post about Lobby Day, I mentioned a story shared at the Congressional Briefing by mother Tracy Smith, who’s daughter Reanna died from her eating disorder while waiting for treatment. Tracy has agreed to let me share her testimony here to further spread the truth about the severity and life threatening reality of eating disorders. I’m deeply grateful to Tracy for her courage and willingness to share this story, and hope that others will learn from it. 

Please note that some of the specifics regarding her daughter’s death may be difficult to hear and are rather emotional, and if you are in recovery from an eating disorder, please take care of yourself while reading.

The following speech was given by Tracy Smith on Capitol Hill on April 24, 2012, at a Congressional Briefing held by the Eating Disorders Coalition as testimony to advocate for the passage of the Federal Response to Eliminate Eating Disorders (FREED) Act.

Tracy Smith testifies on behalf of her daughter.

It has been seventeen months since my baby was taken.

My Family has been devastated by an eating disorder in the worst way possible. On Nov 15, 2010, my Daughter lost her life to an eating disorder. In less than twenty-three months this disease came into our lives and took over my child. Physically, mentally emotionally and in every aspect that you can imagine. Due to misdiagnoses by her pediatrician, lack of education and no coverage for her condition by medical insurance we were alone in the very short battle!

This is Reanna Yvette’s Story.

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Eating Disorders Coalition Spring Lobby Day 2012!

Do you know what the FREED Act is? It’s the Federal Response to the Elimination of Eating Disorders, and it’s a bill that we need YOUR help to pass.

For over a decade, the Eating Disorders Coalition (EDC) has been active on Capitol Hill working with the federal government to help make eating disorders a federal health priority. With the highest mortality rate of any mental health disorder, we need a bill like the FREED Act to help those who suffer from eating disorders get the help they need and deserve.

I’ve been volunteering with the EDC for 5 years now, and am currently a Junior Board member. Sometimes people ask me if I really think lobbying is worth it because of how complicated and partisan politics can be. I’ll admit, it can be discouraging. But those in office really do pay attention and listen to people who take time out of their lives to come and discuss issues with them. There’s so much misinformation out there about eating disorders that we need people who have had real-world experience with them to come and educate lawmakers. Putting a face and a name to a real story goes a lot farther than any statistics, no matter how shocking or upsetting they might be.

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Book Review: The Body Project

“Although eating disorders…are not caused by visual images alone, these pathologies thrive in an environment in which so many “normal” people work so hard (and spend so much money) in pursuit of the perfect body.”
-page 124 

Even though it came out almost fifteen years ago, a lot of people I’ve spoken to about this book hadn’t heard of it. So, it seemed appropriate to do a write-up for it and encourage more people to read it, because it’s excellent!

With The Body Project: An Intimate History of American Girls, author and historian Joan Brumberg has pieced together a unique and invaluable historical account of how women and their bodies have been regarded in our country over the last 150 years using a combination of personal journals, medical textbooks, and other historical records.

Imagine being in the market for new clothing or undergarments and not having any standard sizes to reference. Prior to the sexual revolution of the 1920s, there wasn’t really any such thing as we think of it today. Undergarments were usually made by hand at home, and were far more about function than any fashion. As large companies began mass producing both undergarments and clothes, though, industry size standards cropped up to accommodate the emerging market, changing the way we thought about bodies and providing another form of measurement to scrutinize them by.

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Success & Failure

Currently Reading: The Body Project by Joan Jacobs Brumberg
Currently Listening: On The Impossible Past by The Menzingers

We don’t always reach our goals. Sometimes that’s because they weren’t realistic to begin with (I swear some day I’m going to keep my eyes open while sneezing) and sometimes it’s because things just didn’t work out.

Following my successful half marathon last November, I planned on running the spectacle that is Richmond’s Monument 10k. If you’re from RVA, you know the race well whether you run it or not, because if you aren’t participating in it, the 10k probably ruins any and every attempt to navigate the city until well into the afternoon. Continue reading

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Striking a Nerve

I ran across something really amazing on Tumblr last night that was originally posted by Andrew Sullivan and I really wanted to do a post about it. Rather than summarize it, I’ll just quote the whole thing:

You struck a nerve with this one, as I was just discussing this very thing a few weeks ago with a group of high-school freshmen in my English class. We were discussing homosexuality because of an allusion to it in the book we were reading, and several boys made comments such as, “That’s disgusting.” We got into the debate and eventually a boy admitted that he was terrified/disgusted when he was once sharing a taxi and the other male passenger made a pass at him.

The lightbulb went off. “Oh,” I said. “I get it. See, you are afraid, because for the first time in your life you have found yourself a victim of unwanted sexual advances by someone who has the physical ability to use force against you.” The boy nodded and shuddered visibly.

“But,” I continued. “As a woman, you learn to live with that from the time you are fourteen, and it never stops. We live with that fear every day of our lives. Every man walking through the parking garage the same time you are is either just a harmless stranger or a potential rapist. Every time.”

The girls in the room nodded, agreeing. The boys seemed genuinely shocked.

“So think about that the next time you hit on a girl. Maybe, like you in the taxi, she doesn’t actually want you to.”

It makes so much sense that I’m surprised it’s never been spoken with such clarity before now. Most of the men I’ve known who were homophobic were also more likely to engage in womanizing, catcalling, or other macho type stuff (although I realize that kind of behavior isn’t limited to the stereotypical frat boy). Turning the tables on that isn’t just about “eww that’s gross”, it runs way deeper than that.

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